In a world morally bankrupt, emotionally corrupt, empty of principles, people use and abuse you or you end up hurting yourself. No matter what you do, dealing with people harms you. Their lack of principles can offend and maim. Your need for justice too damages you. It may cost you time, angst, money and peace of mind.
In the end, this world is all about pain isn’t it? Where abuse and injustice reign, pain follows.
I sued and won, but now this idiot keeps challenging the court. It costs him no money to do so, just time, my time (I HATE wasting time). He just goes fill out a form and court dates are set. He tortured me, cost me years of pain and finally when I was at my wit’s end, I did what I never wanted to do in my life “sought justice through the courts”. Let me tell you, the courts do not offer justice. What the courts do or try to are enforce rulings, laws. I had proof. I won. But there are other laws that say despite winning, the order can be challenged, over and over and over and over again. Now I’m in a different kind of hell. Every other fucking month I am in the courts.
The price of peace!
Am I at peace? From the former hell, surely. But now I’ve entered a new kind of hell, a different type of hell. It’s not only scratching my nerves, but it’s also stealing my time.
There’s no justice in this world and definitely no peace.
Someone stole from me, more than just money but peace and time. Time and peace. Peace and time. By God, these wolves in sheep’s clothing!!!
A lawyer once said to me, “the law may side with you but it doesn’t mean you’ll ever see a dime”. Yep, you may win, but is it a win when you’re losing!
I DESPISE users and abusers!
How do you know what you don’t know? My patients ask me that all the time. You don’t. You can’t. You can’t predict “all” the outcomes. As an “INTJ” trust that I consider all the outcomes I can foresee, but I don’t know what I don’t know. For example, I didn’t know, single parenting will be the worst thing to ever happen to me, or loving someone will take away my dignity, or trusting someone keeping their word because they say they love me would change who I was. Experiences change your core, for good or bad. I sought justice and now it too is harming me. It feels like I’m hurting me, that I sought my own harm. It wasn’t the intention, but here we are. Here I am, hurting.
My boss asked me before I filed the suit “are you sure you want to do this?” Thing is she had previously sued for sexual harassment while VP of a company and won. She explained how though she won, after going through that she would never sue again, no matter the injustice, for the process itself hurt her deeply. Too much trauma. Did I say she won millions and they could hardly ever fire her? She left that company ten years later. When someone hurts you, it isn’t that affront alone that is traumatic, but the process of regaining your sense of self or normalcy that too is its own trauma.
She was coming from experience, experience that created foresight. I was coming from pain and the need for peace, justice, that one day out of these past hellish years that one thing will go right in my life, just one damn thing to say that something positive can exist in my world, untainted, kind and fair.
By God was I wrong! I was so so wrong. I created a different my new hell by wanting and seeking positivity. Ain’t that a bitch! Can I pray he dies so finally I can be at peace? Maybe not him, maybe me. I should die. Death is where peace lies.
Maybe that too is a lie! Will death brings me peace or is that too but a lie? I die to open my eyes to another hell.
Tell me why life is a blessing again. Tell me. No. Stop. That is the biggest lie of all.
No more. Please no more lies.
PS: All I’ve ever wanted in life: peace and happiness. Never happened, never ever happened!