The quest


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The quest

If I asked you where are you happiest, what would you say? You would go into a diatribe as many do, how happiness is within and shouldn’t be about a place but a state.

Hogwash!

Happiness is a state within a place. You can’t be happy otherwise.  Happiness is defined values met.

Some are miserable and can’t state why. Had they defined what they value, it would make it easier! Others are happy yet theirs aren’t defined either. I speak for those of us who think too much I would say.

What will make me happy? I don’t really ask you but me within your quest, if indeed you have one. Some are happy without purpose. I am not one.

I know the little things that make me happy. As for those, I can be happy almost anywhere, almost as in not jailed. When faced with yet another major decision, it always comes down to this “what will make me happy”?

In the past it used to be providing security and stability to my kids. They’re leaving now. They’re at that stage where they don’t yet realize the value of nearness. Home stifles them no matter how permissive and understanding a parent can be, or loving. Children are made to leave us behind. Maybe, a few may realize the precious moments they can still create with a parent they now have no need of and come close, closer.

Until then or if when, who am I? Who am I without my babies, without purpose?

I am not as much a provider as scapegoat. They don’t make it, it’s me. They make it, it’s also me. It is so easy for children to turn around forget all the sacrifices you’ve made when they’re failing. I pray not mine will. It is possible.

What then in the meantime? Who am I now without them? What do I do next? Where do I go? Time to focus on me, but can I? Should I? Can I make decisions where the consequences can affect them as well? Will they resent me? Will I be okay if they don’t understand? Can I penalize my kids for my happiness?

You have only one life they say! If the choice you make stunts generational wealth, would you do it? Would you make that choice for your own happiness?

How much more can you endure, will you endure for love? What has love cost you? What sacrifices or how long have you sacrificed yourself for love?

Is happiness within when those you love, you hurt deeply? Is it love when your actions hurt them more than they make them feel loved?

When do I start living for me? What will bring me happiness?

Someone said “if happiness is a place and you lose that place, poof, there too goes your happiness”.  I say that’s life. The only constant is change and this is why no one can continually be happy.

If so, does it matter what I do, where I go in the scheme of things?

Here’s what I know: Growth matters!