I admit. I saw my first love’s picture on Facebook and went snooping. This is the boy, now a man who deflowered me, who showed me things that my parents never discussed with me. The one who touched places that my hands alone had done for 21 years, the one who introduced me to sensations I never knew but read about.
Yes, curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on his picture to get a closer look. Mr. O. had gotten married. I looked at the woman, as most women always do, compared her to myself to see what she had that I was never did. I used to love him. He was my first. I loved him so much that my first car’s name was a combination of his and mine. Of course I did not tell him so but I am sure someone told him. Kids talk, young people talk and all my friends knew the name. I used to picture how our lives would turn out, how many kids we would have, what we would do. What I loved about O. was the fact that he was an adventurer, he could drive anywhere, do anything, enjoyed swimming, biking, playing his trumpet, jazz and discovering the world. I still remember our first kiss, first touch and so many in-between.
Mr. O. was a ladies’man. He was wanted by so many females in Different States, my kind of guy! He was not into academics but was smart, cunning and a great saver. He was/is great with his hands, can fix things, create things and was always smooth. My mom used to hate how he talked, comparing him to a snake talking to Eve, smooth. He had dreamy eyes and made me dream each time I thought about him or he would look at me.
So Mr. O. after bedding and dating so many girls/young women had finally settled down, married. I wish him well. She doesn’t look like me. It made me glad and sad. I am glad as I take comfort in thinking that maybe I was not his type and sad that he had never claimed me. This young man had so many women over his years that no one ever knew how many he was dating/seeing at once. And I loved him! He talked to my friends, and I suspect even dated one or two of them. That’s the past. For a man who was gifted with my innocence, he never claimed me. You see, though we hung out, he never admitted to the world that I was his. That is the lesson that I learned from Mr. O., the importance of a man claiming to the world that he is with you, into you, care for you and made you HIS, HIS woman.
As I looked at his wife next to him in that profile pic, I felt sad how I had given him something precious, welcomed him into my womb yet he never admitted to his friends that he was with me. As far as I know since he and I were no more, he only claimed two women, women who were known to his family and the world. I was not that lucky.
As I looked on, I took the time to count how many men had cared enough about me to want to claim me over my years of dating. I came up with only 3, Mr. P who had a crush on me since I was 12, Mr. R. the skater who introduced me to a mature relationship and Mr. S. who took me so far to marry me and sealed it in front of the world and with the law. Otherwise, I was his on the down low chic. Does it matter who claims you? I am not sure for others, but it matters to me. Whenever I meet a guy, I follow the way he carries himself with me, if he treats me as Mr. O. did or as these 3 had. Many women love the possessive pronoun “MY”, you will hear most of us say “my man, my guy, my dude”. Hardly ever do men use it (with their cars possibly), publicly at least unless he is really into you. Now, with the introduction of online interactions, I see it even more. More women will come out in the early stages of a new relationship with their FB status update “in a relationship with”. Most times, I laugh. I take it way more seriously when a man does that, call me sexist. Most men do not give up their freedom or their hearts so easily. When a man chooses to proclaim to the world “I am with HER”. He is making a statement. Is it a guarantee that he won’t cheat or is not cheating? Hardly! But what it does say is: “I want her so much that I want the world to respect her as mine”. It says this much to me.
So when I see women come online, either on FB or sites where we interact, to fight for a man who NEVER had the will nor decency to tell the world that he is with you, come and argue or accuse others of dating their man, I laugh. If your man can’t admit he is with you and this as a warning or a heads up to other females that he is taken, how can you be upset? He is so ashamed of you or using the pretense of keeping things private in order to cheat right under your nose, with your acquiescence and now you are upset!!!! How would anyone know to respect your relationship when no one knows that you have one? Though I dislike when women confront other women about cheating or stepping to their partner, I can at least comprehend being upset when/if the other woman had prior knowledge that he was taken. No one owes you anything. If your man cheats, it is between you and him. Do not involve anyone else in the matter.
So ladies, when a man chooses to not claim you to the world, to not tell the world he is in a serious relationship with you, he is making several statements. The statements are loud and clear: he is not only into you, you are not the only one, he does not appreciate you enough to claim you as his woman, he is not proud of you, he is not fully committed to you. Does that make sense? I hope it does. I might try to understand when people do not put their kids’ pictures online to protect them but to not add that you are with someone or to act like strangers on a board when you are living together, or married to each other or seriously dating!!!! Think about it for a minute, please do. You are just a disposable, meaningless someone of no value, privacy be damned! Ladies, why do we claim our men? We do because we are proud of them. We are happy to have them. We love them. We want to scream our happiness to the world that we have found the one. We are COMMITTED to one and only one, and have NO issues shouting it, printing it, discussing it and showing it. Why can’t they do the same for us???
I wish Mr. O. the very best and thank him so much for the lesson. I claim the one I love and wish to be with right after we have decided to be together, to be each other’s only one, to focus on our relationship, to make things work even before we make it legal. So, when a man says he wants the same yet does not introduce me to his friends, nor wants to interact with me on a website where we are both members, I know that he is full of lies, yes, lies, just playing, a pretender.
When you love someone, you share your life with that person and claim it to the world. To the lucky few, enjoy! To the ones still lost in “it’s complicated, we want our privacy” allow me to tell you “stop lying to yourself”. You are not important, no one is committed to you. Tell him/her I want all of you, everywhere, anywhere, anytime and if you really love me and I am the one, CLAIM ME.
Happy Sunday everyone!!! curiosity made that cat feel a little sad. 😦