Before I die

What would I want to improve upon the hand I’m dealt,

before I die?

If only

If only I could see you again

Have you by my side

To hold hands and walk with you

On the beaches in Maui

In the rain, anywhere in the world 

To feel your hands on my back

To have you holding me

And be able to place my head upon your chest, 

feel your every inhale, hear your heart beating 

If only

Could I hold on for one more, one more year

just to have you by my side?

See you smile

Hear your silly jokes and jests

Have you call me “mesmerizing, beautiful, smart”.

Oh! And dance, to dance with you one more time

In the middle of some dark road in Mali 

Or on a rooftop in Miami

I want to see the world throughout eyes

Even when I know we couldn’t last

That I must go

Just one more time

If only

Before I die!

PS: I didn’t want to be strong more so I prayed to be love!

Peace be still!

In my head!

No more

No more

I don’t wish for more

I don’t want any more

No more tomorrows. 

Tomorrows are the same yesterdays

Over and over

Same Schlick 

Turn, turn on a wheel

Moving and going nowhere

Tomorrow is wasted on me

I don’t want to be here anymore

Life on repeat

Same endless refrain 

A soliloquy on silent tongue

It’s not good to be alone

It’s even worse being alone in a crowd

You remain there so you could feel like you’re a part of something 

When you don’t even matter

If you leave, no one will take note

You only exist in your thoughts

Stand still

Take hold

You’re here but not here

So what else can tomorrow bring when everyday is just the same!

What could change what has been

When being is all there is 

Is life even worth living!

Yes. No. 

No more tomorrows

No more 

No more

No more tomorrows

When tomorrows are yesterdays on steroids 

Just ain’t enough!

Without a reason life ain’t worth living

At the end of the day, if one thinks hard enough, this thing, this one time bit at being human, flesh will end.

When confronted with that reality, you can go two ways: accept it and fuck it or make it count.

Making it count comes in different ways. But in the end, it comes to reason or what some call purpose. Someone once told me life doesn’t have to have a purpose. But that’s a partial lie. Whether you wish to be or not to be, you can’t go through it willingly without a sense of purpose.

May it be love, peace, joy, wrapped as causation, no one can make it through without purpose. Thus far, this realization is keeping me sane. As I live in a world that keeps worse and my goals are turned upside down with no happy ending in sight, this and this alone is keeping me here.

It can’t be for me something fleeting. People die, such as children, spouses, friends and family or they can one day just walk out on you. Your job outgrows you or you it. What about politics, values, whatever it is we embrace, fight for or against? In the end, as they sustain they also drain. Just look at every hero or whom we call hero of some sort. To fight for, write with or against, mending change, birthing the new. They too shift. A win here, a loss there or in the hereafter. 

For me, it must be something lasting, something that is beyond me, you and the universe.  Closer and closer I must draw near. Otherwise this is naught to me.

Life is just a piece of shit ain’t it!




The day we met all I wanted to do was bury my head in your hair. The way you smile as if the waves were singing a soliloquy only you could understand. So beautiful against the sun, your backdrop. If only I could. If only you would. I can’t forget.


When last we meet (The eclipse)


I sleep late
most nights
hoping you and I
could be


ensconced in my bed
we will tell stories
about us
how we used to be
who we were
before we met

about the journey
the road long traveled
to each other


I often wonder
what’s taking you so long
you’ve forgotten I’m waiting,
where you are
where you’ll be

When will you come
for me

Is it ever too late for what we wish it ought to be

the days move on
the sun extols a burning soliloquy

it’s the moon that gives it rest
as the stars echo the whispers of the dark,
the sun wants not to hear

shine bright, shine bright when you awake!

L. 08/20/17 2345